Future Unknown

The immediate future at least. I’ve survived a second week of class and I am exhausted. I am trying to debate if I want to stay up to see if my home government can get their crap together. That’s why I was referring to a future unknown. If we fail to pass the budget, I get furloughed. For how long? Who the heck knows. That will cut my class short as a result and I’ll end up home before Saturday with some kind of follow up work for the last week of class to be able to get my certificate.

So, that’s like my biggest worry. The reason I’m so tired though is we had back to back presentations. And I tortured myself to death rehearsing what I was going to say on Friday. It doesn’t seem to matter, the more presentations I do doesn’t reverse that feeling of anxiety for public speaking. If anything, I’ve gotten better at hiding the fear. I still remember doing my master capstone and not being able to pick up the glass of water without my hand shaking it all out.

I think the biggest thing that I got out of this week was completing the Total SDI. It was interesting to see how I balanced out with things. I ended up a blue-green who went through the three stages of conflict as a Blue to Green to Red. So what the heck does that mean?

As a Blue-Green, I’m a conscientious logical person. I analyze things with an eye to promoting others welfare around me and usually above my own. When someone creates a conflict with me, I go to blue (caring, want to please, find compromise) as a stage 1. When I can’t solve the conflict, I end up at green (logical, analytical, salvage mode engage) as a stage 2. Then I hit stage 3 as a red, where I might become very argumentative and explosive. This is really the short and dirty version of the test and the idea behind it was to become more self aware and be able to recognize others when they go into conflict mode. In the group that I’ve bonded with we are 2 greens (2 analytical people who almost over analyze everything), 1 blue (very caring, her main job is all about helping other people through loss), and our last member is a hub, he falls right into the center and can be considered a bit more balanced, but will probably shift more to red in situations (red is often direct, decision now, move forward now personality types).

Overall, it was an intriguing exercise and one that I had not done before (the Myers-Brigg test is one such test, which we did last week and is pretty well known already, so I did not want to rehash that). So, now I’m just playing the waiting game with the government, checking on cnn periodically to see if anything has passed. I’m only a little on edge, just a little.