It’s been a busy week. I actually have a life and that’s kind of scary to me. It’s nice though to have something to look forward too rather than sitting at home waiting for someone who never really wanted to exist with me.
He finally deleted our connection on facebook. I’d blocked him on everything else. Seeing that friendship removal, caught me off guard and at the same time, gave me a breath of relief. I hit the block on his profile after that.
And for the first time in months, I feel this burden lifted.
We did have to work together today. He keeps bitching about needing to get things done around the house to get it ready to sell, tells me he’ll be there at 9am, then shows up after 10am. I’ve been going since 8am, taking care of the little projects. Then two hours into him being here, he’s suddenly done with doing things around the house. Doesn’t clean any of the mess he made from some of the projects and when I pointed out the things still needing to be done, he informs me that he’s done more work than I have this whole time. (I paused at about 11, to go to the store to pick things up for dinner as I am making me and the new Beau indian tonight and it takes a bit to simmer.)
I resisted the urge to give him the finger. Finally, I told him, I’m not in the mood to fight with him, that he should probably leave before we blow up at each other. Fighting with him is just not worth the energy or the effort. Neither of us will win. The other thing that pissed me off was that we seem to rehash conversations. I tolerated it when we were married, but I have no patience with it now. Why are you asking me yet again how much we are trying to sell that shelf for? Didn’t you just ask me that three days ago? Isn’t that in your text messages?
The other thing that caught me off guard was a comment he made about how little garbage I generate. It was never me that was the messy person in the relationship. I have a lot of things, yes, but I’ve always been an “organized hoarder” as my mother fondly pointed out to me. It’s neat and orderly, I know where things are and I know what I have in general. I don’t typically generate a lot of trash because I buy reusable products. I don’t go through three rolls of paper towels in a week. I don’t use over half the toilet paper roll in two days (I have never figured out how he managed to do that). It’s just little things like that in general. Crap, when I’m finally out of this house, I’m going to get myself recycling again because I know that I can do it properly without someone fucking it up for segregation.
As you can tell, I’ve had a lot on my mind. I am going to try to write here more. I just need to make myself sit down and do it. I haven’t been very good about that, but I’m hoping to change that. I have some motivation and I’ve got some future project plans. I just need to sit out and write it all out.