When You Say Goodbye

There’s a lot of things that have been rummaging around in my mind and somedays, it’s difficult to articulate the emotions that I find myself feeling. First thing that I did last weekend, during my four day? One of the last places the ex would know where to find me, where I couldn’t block him or easily change things so I wasn’t linked to old usernames, I finally deleted it. This was my old DeviantART profile. I think I stared at the delete button for a good twenty minutes before I did it.

I’ve had that portfolio forever, back when I was still working on my bachelor’s in college.

Deleting it felt painful, but at the same time a relief. It allowed me to break the last possible connection for him to find me. I know full anonymity is not a possibility in this day and age in our modern world, but I’d like to trick myself into thinking that I’ve made things a bit more difficult for him.

This last Friday, I also said goodbye to one of the guys I’ve been working with for my compliance program. We are now down to the two of us and I’m hoping for the better. The individual leaving us though, as much as he would frustrate me, is taking with him a great wealth of institutional knowledge. I am, thankfully, not taking the lead for everything, not yet. I’m grateful because I don’t feel ready for it (my other colleague is senior to my position, so it should rightfully fall to him.. this was an argument I posed to the former colleague who started insisting because I was the Engineer of the group that it would fall to me). That’s not to say I don’t have decision making authority on anything, the two of us have shown we work well together as a team and that we’ll be sharing that authority.

As something that gets repeated at us in training, a leader leads, gets their hands dirty and treats everyone as equals, trusts those that are the SME’s and supports them. A toxic leader will tear everyone down and make them fly the coup. I’d rather work with someone who sees me as a resource and an equal to help us get the job taken care of without us failing to make deadlines and such. I have a mountain of paperwork to sort through on monday from said retired colleague since he put anything and everything he thought was important on my bookshelf in the office (and spread a bunch more out to others.. can we say scan and shred Monday morning?)

Did I mention our new boss is finally here after 8 months of not having a division chief? The verdict on him is still out, but I’m cautiously optimistic. He has a bit of a systematic approach to things, which is something I actually like (I don’t mind hands off boss approaches, but I’d rather have someone who’s engaged and can help support me to upper leadership when needed). But that’s a discussion for another time.

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2 thoughts on “When You Say Goodbye”

  • Aw, that’s sad about the gallery, but I totally understand you.
    You said it so well about leaders. Yes, someone who sees me as a resource and an equal – yes, exactly! I hope your new manager will be like that! But are you saying that you’ll become manager eventually?

    • It could be a final goal. They are talking about adding in some chief positions and I may throw my application at it. I’ve been putting some thought in where I see myself 10 years from now… still contemplating because I know better than to have firm plans in life since you never know if something could happen. 🙂


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