I missed the beginning of this year, but truthfully, I didn’t want to write. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of seasonal affect disorder and am just now feeling better. Depression is real and when it reals its ugly head, the logical side of my brain argues with the feeling side of my brain and I pretty much shutdown. Now that I’m feeling balanced, I’m ready to really take on the world again and do good things for myself (and potentially for others). Some of this is with developing goals and remembering to make them achievable. For the month of January (and probably going into February), I’m concentrating on the following things:
- 30 Days of Yoga by Adrienne
- Couch to 5K training, punctuated by a varying intermix of weightlifting (2 days on, 1 day off schedule)
- Reading a book
- Finishing two simple crochet projects (already finished with one and working on the second)
How am I going to hold myself accountable? Part of this is with my sister (the exercise part), which is something we’ve already been doing through selfie pictures that I will, probably, never share here and the other is through weekly posts. I would try to post daily, but knowing that I don’t want to hold myself hostage and then feel like a failure, I’m thinking the once a week post will be good. So why am I doing this? That brings me to summarizing how 2018 really went for me.
I had a lot of ups and downs in 2018. I’ve been struggling with feeling healthy. I’ve put on weight I wish I didn’t have to deal with either from medication I was taking or from work stress. My work stress got so bad last summer that I ended up on a proton pump inhibitor because everything I ate burned and came back up. I felt like I was having a continuous heart attack that would not abate. Its part of the reason I sought a transfer to my current position. It wasn’t necessarily the job I was having a hard time with, it was the friction between people and being dragged into the middle of it. I got to the point where I dreaded coming to the office. Now that I’m outside of the situation, my stress is near zero. I’m still around several of the same people, the only difference is I’m not being put on the spot for something I know nothing about anymore. During that time, I joined Weight Watchers with my sister (whose had a lot of success with it) and I’ve been helping her be an accountability partner. I don’t know if I’ve always been the best accountability partner, but I know she’s been a great asset for keeping me thinking positive and looking to brighter things. SAD hit me this winter, harder than I expected it too. I’m just now starting to feel like myself and not like I have a cloud of doom hanging over my head. These are probably the two biggest things to happen to me last year (and going into part of this year). I want 2019 to be better and I want to it to be about concentrating on my own health and helping me find that perfect bit of balance that I haven’t had in a while.
So, I’m hoping for a positive 2019, full of self discovery and sharing those things that give make me feel delightfully pleased.