I’m not sure how to write this or even where to start. I feel angry for the most part, angry and then having an aching need to wish that her pain will end so she doesn’t have to be aware of what’s happening or what she’s done to herself. It hurts every time we go to see her.
I had to fly down to see family. It’s been a rough week to say the least. My aunt, this prim and proper miss perfect at everything to the point of annoyance, has been slowly killing herself for the last couple of decades. Whatever triggered her, whatever drove her to resort to excessive alcoholic consumption, she continued to do it, knowing that it wasn’t good for her, knowing that she was probably going to cause the inevitable, ignoring help or the offers of help that it sounds like she was getting for herself. And refusing to acknowledge that she needed help that she needed to be seen and treated.
I think I’m more angry that it didn’t have to be this way. I see other family, seeking others to blame in this (a complicated story for a different time and a stark difference between the ideologies I’ve come to value as an adult), and I’m angry. Her body is currently in the process of shutting down, her eyes could barely open and acknowledge us today during our visit.
It’s been hard.
This is certainly not something I would of wanted to write for my second entry this year. I also don’t have anything against alcohol as long as it’s consumed with responsibility, and I happen to enjoy my wine and my craft brewing. But for goodness sakes, if you can’t get through your day without something of that nature, please ask for help.