Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities... always see them... for they’re always there.
…to spend Christmas is heaving over a toilet. I don’t know if it was something I ate, a 24-hour bug, something caught from a friend a week earlier, but it has been a really long time since I’ve puked my guts out. I wish I could say it was because I party hard the night before, but I’m seriously an old woman who really doesn’t do that anymore.
It’s my birthday. And I just realized, I’ve seriously neglected writing here. Not a surprise. Things have been… curiously slow, but still kind of crazy. I actually have some other posts drafted up, but I just haven’t published them yet. There are not many plans going on for today. We’re going to go out to lunch and I’ve requested we pick up a growler (the Beau is heavy into microbreweries, which is awesome) of this awesome apple beer. I had wanted to go somewhere else, but I didn’t realize the place was closed on Mondays.
It’s December. And what do I typically do during this month? I reflect. And quite honestly, this year royally sucked. When you get down to the nitty gritty, I didn’t accomplish anything that I had hoped to do this year. Instead I went through an emotional rollercoaster of hell, and somehow, someway, I’ve come out the other side, a little bloody, a little beat up, but whole and, surprisingly, mentally still competent.
I cried in the conference room when we had to sign the paperwork. I tried not too. I fought against it, and then I gave up and let myself cry. The man sitting across from me was a stranger. He tore my heart out and tossed it out with the trash because it no longer served his purpose. It’s nothing more horrifying a thought then to realize that you were nothing more than a thing. I don’t mourn the man I’m losing now, I mourn the man I lost two years ago when he gave up on his life and couldn’t seem to pull himself out of his slump.