Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities... always see them... for they’re always there.
It’s December. And what do I typically do during this month? I reflect. And quite honestly, this year royally sucked. When you get down to the nitty gritty, I didn’t accomplish anything that I had hoped to do this year. Instead I went through an emotional rollercoaster of hell, and somehow, someway, I’ve come out the other side, a little bloody, a little beat up, but whole and, surprisingly, mentally still competent.
I cried in the conference room when we had to sign the paperwork. I tried not too. I fought against it, and then I gave up and let myself cry. The man sitting across from me was a stranger. He tore my heart out and tossed it out with the trash because it no longer served his purpose. It’s nothing more horrifying a thought then to realize that you were nothing more than a thing. I don’t mourn the man I’m losing now, I mourn the man I lost two years ago when he gave up on his life and couldn’t seem to pull himself out of his slump.
This last week didn’t amount to much. I’ve been busy, but busy doing what I can’t seem to put my finger on it. I’ve been doing a lot of different things. I’ve been tutoring a friend’s husband in physics for instance. That’s been like a lot of fun remembering how to do things again that I haven’t touched in over ten years. I’m actually amazed I remember how to do anything at all to be quite honest.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone tell me that I’m beautiful. Not even my ex. I was always “cute” or “pretty”. I’ve often described myself as “the girl next door pretty” too, which probably doesn’t help.